I’ve come to a very unsettling conclusion about what other people think about single feminine living. Don’t get me wrong: I’m used to blowing people’s minds out of their tight little boxes without trying. But yet another person said to me yesterday, “You have so many projects!” And I thought to myself, What a hypocrite.

There seems to be this misunderstanding that only married or partnered home owners can have projects without them being “many.” That yard upkeep or relandscaping, home improvements, home organization, and crafting hobbies (welding, fixing, painting, writing, sewing, quilting) are only to be expected if you’re “settled” enough to own a home and solo-pay bills, yet “too much” for a single apartment-dwelling woman. That by doing these same projects, I am intimidating. I am doing too much. I am doing more than is to be expected. I am overreaching. I just need to ditch some projects. I’ll be happier that way.

What they fail to realize is I am “settled” in an apartment. That I can pay my own bills without a roommate. That I don’t need a roommate or a partner to feel secure or to somehow be a grown person. That if I don’t do home organization and maintenance, I won’t have a nice place to live. That I’m knitting or no-hem taping discounted cushion covers or sewing jewelry pouches or coloring surplus shelves with a gifted half-can of stain, because I don’t want to spend the $100+ they did to not have to do any work. Because I want to have my dream library room without spending $2,000 per shelf. Because I don’t want to sit around doing nothing like they do and call it “fun.”

I realize people mean well. Their box is all they know, all they’ve ever desired since they forgot what it was like to want more. They don’t know what it’s like to live within their means while getting “outlandish” things that they want. There isn’t a slot in their head for traveling internationally for the same price they just spent on their giant-screen smart TV or their new car.

But can we please wake up and realize that just because someone does more than you, doesn’t mean they’re over the top?

I picked my projects because I liked them. Because they were doable. Because they fit my personality. Because they improved my quality of life in the long run. Because I knew that 20 minutes or an hour here or there could get it done. They are not any less than what you’re doing trying to start your own online e-commerce business or installing IKEA kitchen cabinets, nor are they any more remarkable. They simply are.

You do yours, and I’ll do mine. And later, perhaps, when you want advice on leatherworking or clothing alteration, and I want advice on how not to kill my plants, we can exchange notes.